I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
