I got chris browned last night
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
