Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
