If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
