I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
