please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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