He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
