You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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