i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
