Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
