remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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