I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
