i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
