I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
