I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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