oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
