The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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