Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
