im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
