1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have tasted many bathrooms
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
