but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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