I'm going to jail i love you
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
