Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
