She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
