have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
