Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Randomize
