so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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