Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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