my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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