he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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