so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
