i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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