I just threw up on my dentist
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
