oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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