I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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