didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
