So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
