hotel room ftw
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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