Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
