She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
