Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
