Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
