Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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