after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
