She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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