Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
