Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
