For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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