my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
