Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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