so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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