I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
