I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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