The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
