Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
