i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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