I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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