is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
