Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
