I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
